Haaahhahahhaaa...
Ok so my sleep has gone MIA all of a sudden and I can't seem to find my lull again and according to Mista Sharma, if you can't sleep don't toss and turn and huff and puff, just do something else, until your second lull finds you. So here I am.....
So last night Fari and I were chatting, both of us in raging angry moods, she's my sister (cuz-sister, but still blood, and our blood runs thick let me tell you). And we were venting about this and that and the other...and all of sudden she stops me and says:
"Ashie" and I of course respond
"what's up"
she says: "YOU'RE OVER HIM!!! AND I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!!"
and I replied : "huh....hmmm....when did this happen...lol?!?"
So I stopped and did an internal check, first I went thru all the physical symptoms that I was feeling thru the last three months, the chest ache has all but disappeared, I could take a deep breath and actually feel the air in my lungs, and in my mind, well goodness, it just didn't seem so foggy anymore. Oh shit, when did this happen, why have I not noticed....Some how everything seems faded now, and not so intense. Actually I am kind of looking for an ember of something, anything to show witness to the misery I have felt for the last little while, and bloody hell, it has all gone cold!
It feels as thou where Sunny and I were within me is now just a cold and empty room, you know like in the movies you see them show an area where all the furniture is draped over and there is dust filtering thru the air, and even thou you can tell someone lived there and had made memories there, it has been left unused and almost forgotten, well that is how I feel tonight.
It would seem that my spirit and time have been slowly working behind my back and have quietly been putting dust covers over my emotions, and have been packing a way my memories, and very gently have picked up the broken pieces of what I hope for and have discarded them. They have been kind to me and have not forced me to actively participate but merely have cradled me and allowed me to slowly just move forward towards the future, while they took care of the past...My spirit and time have been much too generous with my mind and heart.
But no this has not been a solo journey at all....no no along with them, have been mates that have helped put band aids on the cuts and ice packs on the bruises and have even provided therapy to massage myself back to the living and participate. And in truth they have come like blessings when least expected and in truth they have come when I thought I was most alone.
Fari: "we got each other...united frontier...we will rock it...kick it and break it to the bone...we will do it...and do it together!" Need I say more? She is my mentor, my rock and my soft place to fall. Tough Love supreme with the gentlest hand. I love her truly and dearly and I am blessed to call her family.
Amanji: What treasure I discovered! Randomly thru his blog, while searching high and low for the english translation of "Afwah" by Arminder Gill....He gave such a beautiful translation and after reading a few of his posts, for some reason I felt compelled to reach out to him...Thank God the man is all over the net, so he was easy to find haha!. Oy! Read it here and mark it down. This dude is going to be FAMOUS one day....He is one of those Indian genius' that we see on like, Orpah. He is going to kick it into high gear and kick it with Oracle! But he is one of those well rounded types, that has an actual soul and depth and understands the meaning of life, you know, one of those old wise souls that seems to have brought all his past life experiences with him to this life? Yeah he is one of those...AND HE LOVES MUSIC! A complete dream he is I tell you....A sincere heart that has been a kind friend to me. THANK YOU! (Jee Jee I know you hate when I say thank you....per kya karu yaar?) It is heart felt and I feel must show my gratitude for the hours of laughter and punjabi 101 classes and music and just the passing of time when I thought I didn't know how I would get thru those moments. BTW who the hell told you to be across the world in Ludhiana, Punjab eh? This virtual chai-ing is not as satisfying lol!
And then there is my crazy-assed Nigga...Ron! LOL! He is the characterization of what every desi girl despises in a desi boy, but yet can't seem to get enough of....He is what I would define as a HOUND! Rude, crude and shocking, but here, come closer, sssshhhhhh.... swear not to tell anyone....He is one of the nicest people I have met in a long long time. See the thing is you can't shock a shocker, althou he tries so hard to throw me off....he just can't and that is where our laughter comes in and he is man enough to admit quite honestly that, it never goes the way it's suppose to with me, cos I can actually trump him most of the time lol....And so we have a wonderful banter that keeps us both going on our A-game. Note: He will call me a liar for saying he is a decent guy, tell you I am full of shit. But it's ok, let him keep his bad boy image, it's working for him. And I would hate to tarnish his rep with the ladies LOL!
Yusa: my English mate who never minces words and tells it to you straight! But I can't help but laugh even when he is being stern cos I get so distracted with his British lingo and that accent even when he is annoyed, well bloody hell it is an experience. He is my coach....and somehow he always comes in when he knows I am down, will rub salt in the wound, mentally box me knock me out and then pull me back up again and knock me out again, until he sees that I can't be knocked down anymore, then he will say ahh my work is done....He has made me emotionally stronger and has always cut away the bullshit that I like to tell myself to rationalise, he is my clarity my purity and sometimes I don't like him much, but my affection for him will always remains constant, becasue he is real.
Faluri: My friend of the heart and history that even the elephants can't remember, but she does! She remembers everything...She is like my lighthouse, can't always see her, but you know that she is there, and when it gets foggy and you think you are lost, you can always see her light and find your way home.
WOW! How blessed am I? And imagine these are just the tip of the ice burg, there are so many others that touch my life family, friend, strangers, aquaintances that help me get by....sigh....I feel so humbled at this moment. I take those around me for granted, and I am glad that tonight I have been able to take a moment to re-connect by mind and spirit and be aware again of those indivduals who are making my life's adventure so much more interesting and colourful....
Too all of you mentioned and not mentioned, I, with sincere heart and love give thanks to you all....You all make my life memorable and at moments a comedy and I can truly say I would never want to trade my life for anyone else's.
Ok so my sleep has gone MIA all of a sudden and I can't seem to find my lull again and according to Mista Sharma, if you can't sleep don't toss and turn and huff and puff, just do something else, until your second lull finds you. So here I am.....
So last night Fari and I were chatting, both of us in raging angry moods, she's my sister (cuz-sister, but still blood, and our blood runs thick let me tell you). And we were venting about this and that and the other...and all of sudden she stops me and says:
"Ashie" and I of course respond
"what's up"
she says: "YOU'RE OVER HIM!!! AND I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!!"
and I replied : "huh....hmmm....when did this happen...lol?!?"
So I stopped and did an internal check, first I went thru all the physical symptoms that I was feeling thru the last three months, the chest ache has all but disappeared, I could take a deep breath and actually feel the air in my lungs, and in my mind, well goodness, it just didn't seem so foggy anymore. Oh shit, when did this happen, why have I not noticed....Some how everything seems faded now, and not so intense. Actually I am kind of looking for an ember of something, anything to show witness to the misery I have felt for the last little while, and bloody hell, it has all gone cold!
It feels as thou where Sunny and I were within me is now just a cold and empty room, you know like in the movies you see them show an area where all the furniture is draped over and there is dust filtering thru the air, and even thou you can tell someone lived there and had made memories there, it has been left unused and almost forgotten, well that is how I feel tonight.
It would seem that my spirit and time have been slowly working behind my back and have quietly been putting dust covers over my emotions, and have been packing a way my memories, and very gently have picked up the broken pieces of what I hope for and have discarded them. They have been kind to me and have not forced me to actively participate but merely have cradled me and allowed me to slowly just move forward towards the future, while they took care of the past...My spirit and time have been much too generous with my mind and heart.
But no this has not been a solo journey at all....no no along with them, have been mates that have helped put band aids on the cuts and ice packs on the bruises and have even provided therapy to massage myself back to the living and participate. And in truth they have come like blessings when least expected and in truth they have come when I thought I was most alone.
Fari: "we got each other...united frontier...we will rock it...kick it and break it to the bone...we will do it...and do it together!" Need I say more? She is my mentor, my rock and my soft place to fall. Tough Love supreme with the gentlest hand. I love her truly and dearly and I am blessed to call her family.
Amanji: What treasure I discovered! Randomly thru his blog, while searching high and low for the english translation of "Afwah" by Arminder Gill....He gave such a beautiful translation and after reading a few of his posts, for some reason I felt compelled to reach out to him...Thank God the man is all over the net, so he was easy to find haha!. Oy! Read it here and mark it down. This dude is going to be FAMOUS one day....He is one of those Indian genius' that we see on like, Orpah. He is going to kick it into high gear and kick it with Oracle! But he is one of those well rounded types, that has an actual soul and depth and understands the meaning of life, you know, one of those old wise souls that seems to have brought all his past life experiences with him to this life? Yeah he is one of those...AND HE LOVES MUSIC! A complete dream he is I tell you....A sincere heart that has been a kind friend to me. THANK YOU! (Jee Jee I know you hate when I say thank you....per kya karu yaar?) It is heart felt and I feel must show my gratitude for the hours of laughter and punjabi 101 classes and music and just the passing of time when I thought I didn't know how I would get thru those moments. BTW who the hell told you to be across the world in Ludhiana, Punjab eh? This virtual chai-ing is not as satisfying lol!
And then there is my crazy-assed Nigga...Ron! LOL! He is the characterization of what every desi girl despises in a desi boy, but yet can't seem to get enough of....He is what I would define as a HOUND! Rude, crude and shocking, but here, come closer, sssshhhhhh.... swear not to tell anyone....He is one of the nicest people I have met in a long long time. See the thing is you can't shock a shocker, althou he tries so hard to throw me off....he just can't and that is where our laughter comes in and he is man enough to admit quite honestly that, it never goes the way it's suppose to with me, cos I can actually trump him most of the time lol....And so we have a wonderful banter that keeps us both going on our A-game. Note: He will call me a liar for saying he is a decent guy, tell you I am full of shit. But it's ok, let him keep his bad boy image, it's working for him. And I would hate to tarnish his rep with the ladies LOL!
Yusa: my English mate who never minces words and tells it to you straight! But I can't help but laugh even when he is being stern cos I get so distracted with his British lingo and that accent even when he is annoyed, well bloody hell it is an experience. He is my coach....and somehow he always comes in when he knows I am down, will rub salt in the wound, mentally box me knock me out and then pull me back up again and knock me out again, until he sees that I can't be knocked down anymore, then he will say ahh my work is done....He has made me emotionally stronger and has always cut away the bullshit that I like to tell myself to rationalise, he is my clarity my purity and sometimes I don't like him much, but my affection for him will always remains constant, becasue he is real.
Faluri: My friend of the heart and history that even the elephants can't remember, but she does! She remembers everything...She is like my lighthouse, can't always see her, but you know that she is there, and when it gets foggy and you think you are lost, you can always see her light and find your way home.
WOW! How blessed am I? And imagine these are just the tip of the ice burg, there are so many others that touch my life family, friend, strangers, aquaintances that help me get by....sigh....I feel so humbled at this moment. I take those around me for granted, and I am glad that tonight I have been able to take a moment to re-connect by mind and spirit and be aware again of those indivduals who are making my life's adventure so much more interesting and colourful....
Too all of you mentioned and not mentioned, I, with sincere heart and love give thanks to you all....You all make my life memorable and at moments a comedy and I can truly say I would never want to trade my life for anyone else's.
OH MY MY! Who is this guy, Mista Sharma, should see him for once ;-) ! Does he really deserves so much of nice words?
ReplyDeleteOkay serious now!
Well "Mista Sharma" has run out of words and he means it! He is not really worthy of so much good wording,he really is not trust me! Yes, for one thing, he is really happy and that's to see you smiling and just not from face,but from heart! That's what matters the most for him and forever will! He has run out of words so all he can say is thanks so much, though this thanks can certainly not explain the true emotions which he wants to express!
Always be happy like this and you know what to do when you feel sad, I have already told you right ;-) !
From your mouth to God's ear my friend...and yes I know exactly what I am suppose to do, you have been programmed into my cell...lol!
ReplyDeleteAs for "Mista Sharma"...Don't worry I am going to get his autograph, I will be sure to get one for you too! It will be priceless one day:) and the cool thing is I can say he was my friend!