I went with my guddia Jyoti and we looked rather smashing if I do say so myself. We got there at 6:45 the invite said 6 and the bridal party didn't show until 9....Lesson learnt and good thing the appetizers were yummy, I say!
Anyways as we were sitting waiting for the bride and groom to arrive, Jyoti and I were passing time being typical desi girls and checking out everyone's sari and who was with who, and I can't lie, our gaze did keep drifting to the gang of beautiful young sardarjis hanging around the, of course, open bar.....When I heard the opening notes to a song, a song I really would have been happier not hearing on this particular night, but lo and behold, on the projection screens all around us (they had 5 to be exact) the song Teri Ore from Singh is King came on....and that is when I knew it was going to be a long long night....I looked at Jyoti and said "Drink darling?" and of course being the gem that she is complied, and that was how my relationship with Cranberry Vodka started.....
Our table filled up and the drink I had been sipping ever so slowly was beginning to warm my blood and relax my body and mind, and distraction was much easier to come by, but my tummy was still twisting...What was I doing here, it was like volunteering for a round of chinese torture. I could see the bottom of my glass looming, and althou the edge had dulled, the bridal party still hadn't shown, and I was starting to get antsy as the room began to fill up with reminders of the fact that my own Sardar had recently celebrated his own marriage at a reception like this. What's another drink to pass time....and just in time....The announcement was made, they had finally arrived
Stunning is the only word that came to mind, she (Manpreet) was breathtaking in her Deep Pink Langa which was completely embroidered with gems stones and he (Aman), was looking smart in his dark suit. They took their place at the head of the table, individual family introductions were made, followed by a few speeches by friends and the bride groom and then of course the slide show....I braced myself and prayed really really really hard that I would not hear a single Shinda track, and Allah was Merciful with me, but I did take a larger than usual sip of my Vodka cran as pictures from the Gurdwara flashed across the screen...the truth of the ceremony were in those moments...Red turban, talwar in hand, her in crimson red head to toe, holding on to her new husband....but blissfully the bottom of the glass was mainly vodka and I was floating happily thru to the end of the presentation (you should know I am a bloody cheap assed drunk!)
They cut the cake, and then the first dance commenced, and that is when in my haze of alcohol, I had a moment of pure lucidity. As I saw him hold her close, and watched them laugh together and talk into each other's ear, I felt sheer embarrassment for my arrogance. How could I think I could be more than this to him, more than his family, his culture, his religion, his identity? How could I judge his decision and choice? I am nothing in comparison to the magnitude of what he would have had to give up had he chosen me, and when they say love just ain't enough, it is so so so true. And in that instant I disconnected from the last 3 months of rage, anger, hate and hurt. I was done with it. I forgave all the hurts inflicted.
Well I am profoundly stunned by this moment...I turned to Jyoti hug her and kiss her and thank her for making me her date tonight....And by this time the music has picked up in volume and the beat is kicking and I am feeling lighter, and what better way to celebrate than a drink? Althou I am thinking maybe some food would be better to help absorb some of the liquor, but there seems to be no physical evidence of dinner yet, other than the smell of the tandoor cooking fresh naan....So off to the bar, we make our way thru all the young men standing around laughing and giving each others knowing looks that, they think we can't see and which we just ignore as we try to make our way to the front....now remember I haven't drank in years this is now my third drink and the bartender has retired her shot glass and is with free hand pouring the vodka into ice fill glasses and it would seem she is just adding the cranberry juice for colour. Well Jyoti and I clink glasses and give each other a heart felt "CHEERS!" and take a deep sip.
I am floating now...I can still walk straight, and I am talking coherently but I am a bit rosier than when I came in and my smile is a bit bigger and the giggles come a lot easier, but it's all good cos it all makes perfect sense now. But there is also a sense of sadness that falls on my heart, a sense of bittersweetness as I realise it is time to let all of it go...All the emotions, thoughts, desires, and hopes that have to do with Sunnyji mera Sardar. I can no longer hold on to him with my anger, I can no longer hold on to him with my love, I can no longer hold on to him with my friendship, I can no longer hold on to him with my memories. He is a married man, with a wife who looked up at him, as I saw a new young bride looking up to her husband tonight. And I can no longer resent her for having him and I can no longer hate him for making the right decision and in the bigger picture that right decision does not include me....
AT LAST DINNER IS SERVED....
And my glass is still almost full....I am hungry, and the butter chicken and the mali gofta with jeera rice and soft soft naan smell yummy! And so we eat while watching the dancers on the floor raise their hands to the ceiling and the dhol player intensifies the beat of the music. With tummies full it is time to join the dancers, but wait let me finish this drink....
So as gracefully as we can we make our way to the dance floor thru the jungle of chairs scattered all over, and join a group of girls that we know,we begin to rip it up. I haven't danced punjabi style since high school and I am so sure I look like a wanna be, but who cares I am buzzing and the beat is wicked and it has been for ever and a day since I have danced! So song after song after song, I watch Jyoti get lost in the beat, I watch the men kicking their bhangra styles and I am chilling....but I need a moment to gather my thoughts....
I tell my date, that I am going to go chill at the table for a bit, and I check my phone and smile as I see txts from Amanji and oh lookie here, a couple of surprise guest stars as well....Atleast I know I am well thought of...So I sit and take the last gulp of my vodka cos that is all that really seems to be left in my glass. And I sigh...so this is what it was all about eh? And I wonder am I such a stir of emotions because of the drinks, or because of the truth I had to face today? What ever was causing it I was feeling relief and sadness all at the same time.
I go back to join the girls dancing and we dance in our circle, we smile we laugh and we flow....But one more drink just to end the night right?...We make our way back to the bar, take some pics dance a couple more dances, but the alcohol has taken a toll now, and I am in need of some water to dilute the effects so I can go home walking straight. Jyoti is in the zone, so I sneak away and grab a water and head to chill back at my table, but there is this damn fine looking gent standing next to me and I am feeling bolder than wonderwoman, but as I turn to look at him to make that eye contact, I realise I won't find who I am looking for in him, and so I head back to my table and of course as I head back to my table there is a group f boys who are enjoying a late night meal "Oye Hoye!" I can hear them yell over the music, but I keep walking, not tonight I say to myself, not tonight...
Home sweet home....I snuggle into my covers, when I get a call from Ron, lol....saala he is as smashed as I am, but it is nice to have someone to laugh with, and make the night a bit less lonely, but one of us falls a sleep I am not sure if it is him or I, but at last I find my lull......
This morning I felt the side effects of the party last night....but it's all good, Cranberries and I have forged a new relationship and we have agreed to only meet on very special ocassions, and althou anytime I hang out with Jyoti it is a special ocassion, I need to keep my lucidity at all times, I want to feel each moment and make it in my own....Can't lie the haze of last night was heavenly, and for the first time in along time I was totally relaxed, but I am a warrior of life, and I cannot afford to dull my senses, I want to be ever present and focused, so that when I make those memories they are pristine and clear.
So thank you for a fantastic night meri guddia....an unforgettable one at that!
Thank you to my Sardar, for the memories of a life time....
And Cheers to y'all until the next time we party!
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