Cliche of Regrets

It is a miserable and cold day today and my only desire is to curl up under the blanket with a warm cup of tea and a good book...but alas the luxuries of yester-year are gone...My DARLING daughter has other plans for me today...she has begun by tearing all the CDs down from the storage unit and depositing them between the different parts of the stereo as though there is a drop box behind....ahh the true blessings of motherhood...how can I not laugh and enjoy her simplicity in amusement...

As I was chatting with a friend last night... he and I began talking about regrets and how they are redundant...but I don't know if they lack purpose all together...let me pose it this way to you...if we had no regrets how would we learn...? how would we recognize those moments and incidents that were a negative in our life and prevent ourselves from repeating them again? do we not need regrets for personal growth?I think it's become a cliché to say no regrets...and in all honesty I have some...

I mourn some of the choices I have made...but I also realize that those were moments in my life that were a necessary rite of passage that would enable me to learn...it is true when they say hind-sight is always 20/20...but we can't do better until we know better and we can't know better until the life lesson has been learnt...make sense...?

I think regret intermingles with remorse...shame...and a sense of loss...for what could have been...I regret not going to IIS to pursue my passion for knowledge...but now I have learnt that I will enable and ensure that my daughter has the confidence and freedom to attain all her passions...I regret not going for coffee with my friend when he was in Calgary...because I had made assumptions about his expectations...but I learnt maybe it would have been a good time and I'll be damn sure to meet him when I get the next opportunity...I regret running like a chicken shit from someone wonderful...in fear of rejection...but I had to feel that lose in order to accept that there is no way of controlling the way people will react to me...

I can only control how I handle myself and my fears...I've learnt to step back and relax and sing the that catchy tune...'Caisera Sera...whatever will be will...the future is not ours to see...Caisera Sera...' and I have that sense of freedom now...but I think it is a cycle...we must lose...to regret...to mourn and have remorse...and then finally learn the lesson...only then can you break the cycle...

The key is not to wallow, and I tell you this is a struggle...but I must be find away out of the fog otherwise I chance becoming consumed with the sheer sadness that threatens me...and then it is not merely a regret any more, which is meant to be a catalyst for change...but becomes a cancer on the psyche that will ultimately erode your confidence and belief in your own power to make it different for the next time...

I know I know I'm too intense and think to much...but I give you an interesting read and something to think about...I believe that everyday...every single day is a journey towards a better self... I can't allow myself to ignore the whispers that are sent...I must listen and learn and be grateful that I am not willing to live in a void of denial...