My way out....

It feels like it has been eons since I have written....but I am starting to feel the urge to slowly rejoin the world....

It has been a mad few weeks in my head, so much came crashing down at the same time, and I felt like I was being sucked into the quicksand of darkness in my head.

So I just stopped....Just stopped functioning with the rest of world, I just turned my mind my off, and tried to just build a safe barrier against the tears and pain that all came rushing back at me.

When will it just all go away? When will his thoughts and presence finally disappear all together from my life, it's like God is testing me...and is almost mocking me at times...and maybe it is because I am just not learning the lesson I am suppose to learn or maybe it just random karma, but whatever it is, it kicked my ass and knocked me out.

But you know what sometimes we gotta go thru shit like this na? I mean how else do we build ourselves to become stronger and wiser and more compassionate. My Mom always uses the diamond as an example, she'll say look at how precious the diamond is, but look at how that stone went thru to become so brilliant. I like that example, my mom, I am telling you is one smart lady.

Maybe it is all about learning my limits and boundaries, and knowing that I need to step off the path I am on, and try a less traveled path and see where that leads, cos right now I feel like a fish, flip flopping out of water....sigh....

But I can feel the fingers of reason massaging my senses and making me lucid once again, and hopefully in due time, it will all make sense once again....