There is so much going on…
I don't know how to keep up…..
My mind is whirling and the world is twirling and I am wondering where am I going to end up…
I am giddy and I am excited…
I am nervous and I am scared…
what if it all fades away…
what if it is all a beautiful dream…
what if I am caught in a trance…
what if this is the magic trick of a master illusionist…
I have found all that I have ever wanted…I feel it's breath in my soul…but this fear….this bloody nagging fear of my heart being torn to shreds once again petrifies me freezes me into profound numbness…
But OH GOD how I want to feel the rays and warmth on my face on my heart on my soul…I want it to thaw me and set me free….
I love, I know I do…
I feel it so genuinely and intensely…
I know that it is there within me…
I want to unleash it …
I want to witness its madness and ecstasy…
Every time I step to the edge and am ready to free fall, I seize in panic…
I want to run and say "NO I CAN"T DO THIS!" but I don't want to lose this breath taking beauty that is lighting up my life…
DAMN these scars DAMN these wounds…they are making it so difficult to stretch these wings and fly again…
But I will not give up…
I will keep walking to the edge…
and I will keep stretching my wings, no matter how uncomfortable the scars make it…because I have to believe that this love will give my wings the flight they need for me to soar…
Thank you for the love and beauty and serenity that you bring into my life…
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